When I arrived at my very first hoarding client's
home, the front door was slightly ajar. I tapped, called out and walked in.
The stifling air and the bad smell hit me first. Thick dust covered
everything. Papers were stacked everywhere. It appeared as though the floor
was made of dirt. On closer inspection, the carpet had turned to dust.
Suddenly from behind a cluttered pile on the kitchen table, a tiny,
perfectly coiffed, elderly lady in a lavender sweater set and pearl necklace
stepped out...
What is Hoarding? I am not a mental health professional so I can't make a
clinical diagnosis. But I can tell you what I have seen and what it looks
like to me. I can also share with you my considered opinion of what causes
it from the perspective of a person who sees hoarding on a regular basis,
not from a tidy therapist's office but from the real,down and very dirty
places where hoarders live.
Hoarding is not the same as being a slob. Hoarding is not dirty dishes in
the sink and a pile of unpaid bills or unread newspapers on the kitchen
table. Hoarding is a condition where the debris and collected materials of
an individual become so large and unmanageable that it affects their
relationships with others, their health and their safety. The saddest part
about hoarding is that the sufferer is often extremely resistant to any
changes and is willing to give up their family, friends and even their own
well being for the sake of their "stuff".
Hoarding can be classified in stages and the National Study Group on the
Chronically Disorganized has a website that will give you a grading scale
from 1-5. You will also find a list of trained professionals who can help
you.
The first two stages are really just messy people. The mess is yucky but
not life threatening and you can probably still safely visit them and drink
out of their cups and use their bathrooms. After stage 2, check their beds.
Hoarders, past stage 2, have piled up so much trash on their beds that they
are either sleeping on a small part of the bed or actually sleeping
elsewhere to avoid moving their precious junk. Stacks, boxes and piles of
papers fill every space until there is only a narrow pathway in which to
walk. Exits are blocked. The bathtub is full of stuff and sometimes even the
oven! You are also talking filth: Rodent droppings, pet feces, fleas,bad
smells, spiders and cobwebs hanging like stalactites from the ceiling,
carpet so filthy it has rotted and turned to dust, kitchen appliances not
working, toilet un-useable, wiring a fire hazard. Windows shut and filthy,
air stagnant. This was how Lavender Lady was living. How many Americans live
like this? Hundreds of thousands. They are your neighbors that never let you
in past the front door. They are professionals, dressed impeccably and
living in secret squalor. I'm sure my client's neighbors had no idea how she
was living.
What causes hoarding? No one has the exact answer, Mental Health
Professionals will tell you that Hoarding is a mental illness caused by
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, often combined with Depression. It can be
inherited, learned or triggered by loss. I see a disproportionate number of
retired teachers (such as my Lavender Lady) and other academics. I see a
very large number of Seniors. Lavendar Lady was 93! My work tells me that
people who have suffered a devastating loss (job, death of a loved one,
health) can succumb to hoarding. Hoarders seek to rescue things that they
perceive to be abandoned just like them. They wish to give new meaning and
importance to these items, even if it looks like junk to us. Try to separate
a hoarder from their stuff and you risk extreme anger directed at you and
serious emotional and even physical harm to them. Their stuff makes them
feel rich, needed and safe. It gives meaning to their lives.
Here are some more hoarding symptoms:
- Excessive Saving: paper, tissue, bottles, cans, newspapers, magazines,
plastic bags, etc.
- Excessive Collecting :old broken appliances, boats, cars.
- Excessive Rescue: Cats, dogs, birds, other animals which they often
cannot care for properly, even though they have good intentions.
-Grandiose Ideas: 1. Save the Planet. They save recyclables to excess but
can't part with any of it. 2. A Museum in their Honor: All this stuff is so
valuable and amazing, someone out there will appreciate it. 3.They want to
help others. I had one client who was saving plastic bags for a mailman who
no longer walked that beat. She really believed he would come back some day
and be so thankful that she had saved all those plastic bags just for him.
4. Help a fellow teacher: They just "know" that some teacher out there could
use their stuff in their classrooms. Lavender Lady had piles of rocks in her
kitchen (for art projects) and over 100 ancient bird nests stored in her
garage.
-Compulsive Shopper: Many hoarders will compulsively purchase items on
television shopping channels. I had a client in a wheelchair who purchased
roller skates. This tendency can put them in real financial jeopardy.
These are individuals who are lost, sad, lonely and feel useless. They
think their stuff will make them happy and importamt. They create a job for
themselves as caretakers and protectors of this stuff so that their own
lives have meaning.
Hoarding, like any other compulsion or addiction, takes over the life of
the sufferer and destroys the peace of mind of those that love them.
Lavender Lady's daughter had called me. The victim will often resist help
when offered. The stuff means more to them than anyone or anything.
What do you do with a hoarder? Even Professional Organizers who are
trained by the National Study Group on the Chronically Disorganized have a
policy of not working with hoarders beyond class 3 unless the the hoarder is
in therapy and on medication. It is just too frustrating and a waste of time
and money. Anti anxiety medication is often prescribed. Be extremely careful
of exposing yourself to toxins, germs, bugs and disease when trying to
"clean out" a hoarder Trained Professionals use masks, gloves and often wear
protective clothing.
Relatives and friends of hoarders often call me to "come over while the
hoarder is on vacation or in the hospital" and just get rid of the all the
junk. I can't do that and neither should you. Removing their stuff without
permission can cause them severe psychic harm and/or physical breakdown,
stroke or worse. Do not take it away without their knowledge or permission.
If they refuse help,the best you can offer is to make sure their living
conditions are as clean and safe as possible.
Just know that the stuff will grow again into a filthy mess as quickly as
the hoarder can do another "dumpster dive" or visit a garage sale, shop or
eat packaged food.
Can hoarders be cured? The jury is still out. It requires first and
foremost, a willingness to change coupled with professional therapy and
medication. Progress is very slow with many years of therapy needed. It
often gets worse with age. Lavender Lady refused help.
What can you do? Have patience and compassion for the hoarder. You can't
talk them out of their stuff. The best you can do is help them keep it under
control so they are safe from injury, sickness and fire. Only a therapist
who specializes in Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is qualified to help. Try
to let go of your own worries as ultimately, it has to be their decision to
change. Contact Social Services if their safety is at stake.
Marilyn Ellis may be contacted at
